Pre-midterm madness

Midterms were last week and everyone on campus was kind of stressed the weekend before them. So they spent the weekend studying extra hard partying their faces off. I’m going to tell you a few stories about things that happened last weekend. Some of them happened to my friends. Some happened to friends of friends. Some happened to me. I’ll let you try to figure out which is which.

Someone saw two girls streaking at a football party and chased after them because they were honestly trying to help said girls. However, some police saw the chase and assumed the worst. They spent the night looking for the person chasing the girls, and this person spent the night hiding out and changing outfits so the cops wouldn’t find them.

Someone went to a club across the city with some people they didn’t know very well and couldn’t get in because the bouncer asked for two pieces of id when they only had one. Said “friends” went into the club without this person, and said person was stranded in a sketchy neighbourhood alone at 1am

Someone tried their first joint and grained out, spending the rest of the Friday night leaning over a toilet bowl

Someone overdid the drinking a little and woke up in the hospital with no shoes and a dead cellphone

Someone made out with someone else on their floor and woke up in the morning with said person in their bed, various pieces of furniture in their room knocked over, and some really obvious hickeys

I’m never going to admit which ones were me, but have fun guessing.

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Post party greeting cards

It’s pre-grad house party season at school it seems, and to be honest in the last few weeks all of my friends and I have done some stupid things. I mean, it’s high school and stuff happens, and it’s not a huge deal, but there’s still that awkward moment when you have to   see the people from the party on Monday morning.

To make this experience easier, I have devised some simple greeting cards that you can present to anyone you offended at a party the previous weekend. The fluffy animals and pastel colours will distract them from your idiocy. If they don’t actually smooth things over, they might at least assuage a little bit of the awkwardness.

This one is for that friend who was there for you at your lowest moment:Thank you

This one is for after that awkward hook up with a person you only kind of know:Dear sir

This one is for when you were a particularly crappy party guest:I'm sorry

Who knows? This could be the way of the future for post party encounters. After all, there really isn’t any problem a card can’t fix, right?

The best and worst date ever

I have a feeling that Lis mentioned to Tim that I didn’t really enjoy the triple date he took me on a while ago, because he texted me the other day and was like, let’s go on a real date.

Kay: Like a date with no other people? Just us two?

Tim: Yeah for real.

Kay: *state of utter disbelief*

I really did think that this would be the night where Kay-and-Tim finally happened. He now knew I liked him, thanks to the time I drunkenly texted him on my birthday saying so (I blame Lis. As my designated driver she should know that friends don’t let friends text drunk). And he totally likes me, and we always have such a good time together, so I thought that this date would be the beginning of something.

It was pretty great, at first.

In classic Tim fashion, we couldn’t just go on a regular date. Instead, he explained rather cryptically when he called me, we were going on an adventure. The adventure turned out to be going to a water park, which was so much fun because Tim and I are both eight-year-olds at heart. Then, we drove to a mystery location that he refused to reveal to me. We drove for quite a while into the heart of the city, and ended up at this absolutely breathtaking hill overlooking downtown. The buildings were all lit up and glittery, I just got completely wrapped up in the perfection of the moment.

We weren’t just there to enjoy the view though. Tim had managed to rig his iPad so that it was suspended from the front seats, and we sat in the back seats covered in blankets. He had even brought movie snacks and drinks and he remembered that I don’t like popcorn, so he brought Skittles instead.

Can you see why I thought this was going to be perfect?

He held my hand as we watched Knight and Day, and I just kept thinking about how this was the most thoughtful thing a boy had ever done for me, and okay, to be honest I was pretty sure that we were going to start making out anytime now. But we didn’t and the movie ended and it was time to go.

And then-and I swear I will never be able to get this out of my head-he said. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

And not in the sexy, I’m-a-guy-and-I’m-telling-you-how-it-is kind of way. It was more like a I-planned-this-date-and-I-think-this-is-how-it-should-go kind of way. Cue alarm bells ringing in my head. Why do boys have to be weirrrrddd? Why can’t they just be normal and natural and not awkward?

So then he kissed me and I was like, okay that was awkward but at least he’s an okay kisser. Like there wasn’t too much tongue or spit or anything. So we made out for a bit and then he pulled away, and I swear to god I’m not making this up, he went “Mwaaah!” Like that kind of fake kissing sound.

…I just…

…like could there possibly be a bigger turn off?

I didn’t even know what to do. I was just like, we should probably go now. I couldn’t look him in the eye the entire ride home.

I’m just so disappointed. Like I’m just sick of meeting guys and everything goes right and then it gets ruined because the guy is awkward or lacking confidence or just like super duper weird like Tim. Is it really so hard to find a nice, sweet guy who is also confident and possibly a good kisser?

Apparently.