But seriously what is with St. Patrick’s Day?

I was so not prepared for yesterday.

I was not prepared for all of the people drunk at 8am. I’m not even conscious at 8am. Why would I drink alcohol that early? It’s a depressant for goodness sakes.

I was certainly not prepared for all the tacky green dollar store St. Patrick’s Day gear everyone was wearing. It’s the kind of junk you would never be caught with sober, but apparently drunk people this it’s the best thing ever. My green t shirt is not enough, they think (I’m assuming). I also need six strings of green plastic beads, a green hat that keeps falling off due to my drunken stumbling, and green sunglasses I keep trying to put on other people’s faces but I actually just poke them in the eye.

I mean, I live in a university dorm. I’m pretty used to people drinking a lot, and to be honest, I drink pretty damn often. I’ve definitely gotten drunk on a Monday night before. But I still don’t get the mass hysteria around St. Patrick’s Day. Why is it so important to drink that exact night? And why so much? Because the thing is that no one got fun drunk last night. Everyone got where-are-my-pants blackout worst-hangover-of-your-life how-did-I-even-get-home drunk. Everyone. On the same night. Half of my friend’s Spanish class took their midterm while sipping green beer out of their water bottles. A different friend has band aids all over her hands from a fall she doesn’t remember. When I was walking down the stairs of my dorm last night I ran into a guy who was unzipping his pants to pee over the railing. I politely asked him to wait until I was gone before he did it.

And what did I do last night? I studied. Yep, nerd alert. Then my friend texted me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend, so I went over with an armload of candy. Honestly, even spending the night with my econ textbook and my sobbing friend still seems more appealing than making poor decisions wearing a lot of plastic green things.

God, I sound really old.

What every student should know about university residence

-It will be loud. All the time. “Quiet hours” are a lie, so if doors slamming, yelling, or drunken yodelling bother you, invest in earplugs

-People on your floor know everything about your life. Even if you’ve never talked to them. A girl from down the hall once came up to me and was like, “Who’s that guy you always have over? He’s really cute. Are you dating him? You should date him.” That was the first conversation I’d ever had with her.

-Everything will smell like weed always

-Don’t try to get anything done on Thursday nights

-There will always be someone drinking. Even on a Tuesday afternoon, and even during finals. Okay, especially during finals.

-Everyone’s fridges really only end up containing alcohol and maybe some hummus. Hummus makes really good drunk food.

-There will always be someone drinking their seventh cup of coffee

-There will always be that person who never gets out of their pyjamas, and as far as you know, never goes to class. Is there a degree in playing video games I don’t know about?

-In spite of the fact that you all live a few feet away from each other, people play online video games together in separate rooms

-At any given second someone is always saying “I should be doing school work right now” while watching youtube videos, playing video games, or just lying in bed doing absolutely nothing

-Half the floor is always sick. I swear, we just pass the same cold back and forth over and over

-No one knows where the library is

-Like three people on the floor know how to do laundry and they have to teach everyone else. Scratch that. All of the girls know how to do laundry and like three of the guys do. Not sexist if it’s true.

-No one has ever attempted to clean their bathroom

-The vacuum has been used maybe four times. Two out of four times were to vacuum up puke.

Pre-midterm madness

Midterms were last week and everyone on campus was kind of stressed the weekend before them. So they spent the weekend studying extra hard partying their faces off. I’m going to tell you a few stories about things that happened last weekend. Some of them happened to my friends. Some happened to friends of friends. Some happened to me. I’ll let you try to figure out which is which.

Someone saw two girls streaking at a football party and chased after them because they were honestly trying to help said girls. However, some police saw the chase and assumed the worst. They spent the night looking for the person chasing the girls, and this person spent the night hiding out and changing outfits so the cops wouldn’t find them.

Someone went to a club across the city with some people they didn’t know very well and couldn’t get in because the bouncer asked for two pieces of id when they only had one. Said “friends” went into the club without this person, and said person was stranded in a sketchy neighbourhood alone at 1am

Someone tried their first joint and grained out, spending the rest of the Friday night leaning over a toilet bowl

Someone overdid the drinking a little and woke up in the hospital with no shoes and a dead cellphone

Someone made out with someone else on their floor and woke up in the morning with said person in their bed, various pieces of furniture in their room knocked over, and some really obvious hickeys

I’m never going to admit which ones were me, but have fun guessing.

Frosh Day 1, aka “What the hell is going on?”

It’s 1:30am and crazy frosh facilitators in neon outfits are apparently going to be banging on our doors and chanting things to wake us up tomorrow at the inhumane hour of 8am, but I am posting because I have to organize my thoughts somehow.

The last two days have been this weird mixture of bewilderment and confusion and excitement. On one hand, you don’t know anyone, you’re constantly lost, and you never know what’s going on at any given time. On the other hand, everyone is so nice and friendly and willing to strike up conversations, and the frosh leaders are so helpful and enthusiastic. I think the big thing is that everyone wants to have a good time and make friends and get settled, and that makes such a difference. Highlights of the last 48 hours:

-Having a single ROCKS. I honestly have more closet and drawer space than I do at home, and I set up my new stereo and just rock out! Plus if I need some quiet time I can just escape there. Today I honestly had a nap in the afternoon, it was great.

-Today I walked around campus with a girl from the room next door and she introduced me to her friend and her friend’s roommate. I totally hit it off with the roommate, who is in public affairs and is just as excited about political science and economics as I am. Plus, she gets my sarcasm.

-There was a Much Music video dance tonight and it was one of the best dances I’ve been to for sure because no one knew each other, so you could just start dancing with whoever.  I started out just dancing with the two girls that I share a bathroom with in our dorm, but we kept inviting people to join us and eventually it was this circle of guys and girls just going crazy, it was awesome. At one point this guy grabbed my hand and pulled me into the middle and I swear he started doing ballroom dance moves. He lifted me up and dipped me and everything, it was so fun!

And okay, obviously it hasn’t been complete fun like that all the time. It’s still hard because everything is different, the place and the people and  the routine and even the weather. It’s so humid here and midwestern body is not handling it well. I’m hot and sticky all the time.

The pros definitely outweigh the cons though. I think it’s partially just because I love new things and I love the craziness of it all. Meeting new people and just letting loose and being crazy just gives me this rush. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

This is the actual grad post

Graduating high school rocked. I fully recommend it if you get the chance.


-I got to be TALL! Being friends with freaking  basketball players is not always fun and my neck is pretty much permanently sore from looking up at most of my friends, but on grad day I wore four inch heels, which meant I got to look everyone in the eye!

-All of my favourite people were there, even my generally absent brother Pal, and my grandparents from Saskatchewan who I absolutely adore. Plus, at the banquet we sat with Lyd’s fam, and they got along famously with mine. I think talking to Lyd’s dad about hockey scores made my grandpa’s whole night.


When I'm wearing it I feel like a fairy or something.

When I’m wearing it I feel like a fairy or something.

-The after grad party and Andy’s house was the best party I’ve ever been to, seriously. All of my friends were there and everyone was up for anything. Highlights of the party include (I realize this just became a list within a list. LISTCEPTION!!):

-Jan had her very first shot and when I announced it to the twenty people in the hot tub they all started chanting her name, it was awesome

-We had this massive game of Bros Icing Bros, which is where you trying to trick your friends into finding Smirnoff Ices, and if they find it, they have to drink it. I tricked Drew into finding one in my back pocket, and Nob into offering to open one for Jan without realizing what it was. All the boys shook my hand and admitted that I was a worthy opponent.

-At like 2am Mat confided to me that he had a bottle of expensive champagne which was a gift from his parents. We ran outside and opened it and it sprayed everywhere, and then we stood there in the moonlight and toasted to our success in high school. Mat has been my partner in everything; we were yearbook editors together, editors of the school paper, MCs at the grad fashion show together, and partners in math and English always. That’s why that toast was really special

-Jen, Jo, Sar, Dee, Ber, and I stayed up all night talking and laughing and having pillow fights and taking selfies and confessing secrets. Then around 5am we went for a walk by the creek behind Andy’s house and watched the sun rise.

-Nob, Sar, Ber and I went to Tim Horton’s for coffee around 7, after pulling said all nighter. My hair was bride of Frankenstein-esque, and Nob wasn’t wearing shoes, and we couldn’t stop laughing.

I’m happy to be graduating, but I will be sad to leave these people. Grad was so cathartic for me; it was this strange mix of happy and sad. I will never forget it, that’s for sure.

Started a pandemic whoopsies

Grad was awesome. My hair and make up turned out just right, my friends and I had a ton of fun and I didn’t spill punch on my white dress, flash anyone while getting out of the limo, or break my ankle on my four inch heels (although I did get a really nasty blister. I should’ve broken those suckers in).

It was an amazing night, except for the part where I infected everyone with a deadly disease.

Okay, not deadly exactly. But it was pretty bad. Let me explain. The weekend before grad my cousin flew in from Toronto for my grandma’s birthday shindig, and she was supposed to sing and play piano at the party, except that she had an awful cold and had lost her voice. I didn’t think anything of it. I probably hugged her fifteen or so times. I might have even shared a glass with her or something, I don’t remember.

Anyway, flash forward to that Monday night, when I’m suddenly running a fever of like 1000 degrees (1000 degrees Celsius, not Fahrenheit obviously). Tuesday I spent laying on the couch catching up on General Hospital and feeling like I was swallowing razorblades. Finally, Wednesday I started feeling more like a human and less like a snot machine. Yesss I thought. I’ll be better just in time for grad! Except Thursday was rainy, and it was also the divisional track meet and soccer practice back to back. In other words, Kay outside in the rain all day. Great way to cure a cold, seriously, I so recommend it.

Friday was grad day and I was too excited to care that my throat was sore. I shoved some tissues in my clutch and popped an Advil cold and sucked it up. I was the prettiest booger monster the world had ever seen.

As far as anyone can tell, the infection started to spread at the after-grad party. There was a fair amount of beer cup sharing and shot glass sharing (apparently alcohol doesn’t sterilize as well as we’d thought) and 40 people sleeping on the floor of one person’s basement is never exactly germ free. Also, pulling an all nighter as Jan, Sar, Dee, and I did is not a good disease fighting technique either.

We didn’t have to go to school until Wednesday, but even so, the casualties from the pandemic were evident when I walked into class that day. Dee, Jo, and Alt were all missing (Jo and Alt are dating, so it’s kind of implied that when one is sick, they’re both sick). Mat walked in late with bags under his eyes, and Jan sat quietly in the corner with a tissue box. Sniffles were coming from every direction. The only ones who were safe from the pandemic seemed to be Vee and Andy, most likely because they spent most of the party in one of the bedrooms doing who knows what.

Was the fun we had at grad worth spreading my disease to all my friends? I think so, but obviously I can’t speak for them. It is worth mentioning that I got the worst of it. All day Saturday I literally couldn’t speak at all.

Even now, nearly a week later, my throat is still burning and people are still dropping from the dread disease. At this point, it could last indefinitely. If I were you guys, I would start stashing canned goods and hiding in your basement. I wouldn’t say no to those surgeon mask things either. This is getting pretty intense. If you don’t hear from me again…I’m probably the first casualty of what will soon be a worldwide pandemic.

And all in the name of grad.

Grad checklist

T-minus one week until grad! Yeah, I know it’s weird. We “graduate” over May long weekend, and then we have to go back to school for three more weeks. It’s weird being in school mode and graduating mode at the same time. On top of that I’m planning my summer and planning university stuff for the fall. It’s an odd time in my life, really. It’s like I have one foot out the door, but I’m not leaving for three and half more months.

My to-do list for the next week looks like this:

-Recover from the AP English Lit exam today, which turned me into a puddle of angst. Nothing like three hours of  writing essays and dissecting poetry full of words you don’t understand to make you feel like you don’t know anything.

-Grandma’s 80th birthday this weekend. And once grandma goes to bed my cousin and I are sneaking out for a pre-grad party with her friends.

-Plan for hangover on Sunday from said party

-Go to pre-grad hair appointment on Monday and have an angst session with my stylist while we figure out what to do with my hair for the grad banquet.

grad shoes

But seriously how awesome are my shoes?

-Get those little nipple stickers because I can’t wear a bra with my grad dress. I don’t want to have to cross my arms every time it gets drafty at the banquet.

-Break in the mint green four inch platforms (they seemed like a good idea in the store while the saleslady gushed about how they make my legs look a mile long. I mean, they do, but I’m not sure I can walk in them.)

-Get accessories that will somehow match said shoes

-GET A SUMMER JOB because otherwise I don’t know how I’ll be able to pay for university

-Figure out when I have to register for university classes

-Figure out what to tell people when they ask me how the hell I plan on making a living with a journalism degree

-Finish reading Jane Eyre and then write a really profound essay about it to make up for the crappy excuse for a research paper that I submitted about Charlotte Bronte

-Try to not fail Chemistry

-At the very least try to not fall asleep in chem every day next week

-Pray for no rain on banquet day so that we don’t have to take grad pics in someone’s living room

-Take photos of field hockey, the world’s most boring and pointless sport, for the school paper (seriously what is the point of making the ball so heavy and the sticks so short that you have to hunch over? It’s like they’re purposely trying to make the game suck)

-Get caught up on Grey’s Anatomy before the season finale

-At least make an appearance at soccer at some point so they know that I’m still alive

-Ditto with track practice. I just need to attend enough practices so I don’t actually face plant in hurdles at the upcoming meet

-Send the school paper to the printers after editing all 48 pages. 48 pages of crap I might add. My articles are included in that crap because I haven’t had the time or energy to care all that much.

-Listen to all the hipster music Pal keeps sending me

-Try to remember to enjoy my senior year or something

-Try to remember why I thought I’d enjoy my senior year

-Try to not scare off all of my friends with the angsty noises I keep making


Post party greeting cards

It’s pre-grad house party season at school it seems, and to be honest in the last few weeks all of my friends and I have done some stupid things. I mean, it’s high school and stuff happens, and it’s not a huge deal, but there’s still that awkward moment when you have to   see the people from the party on Monday morning.

To make this experience easier, I have devised some simple greeting cards that you can present to anyone you offended at a party the previous weekend. The fluffy animals and pastel colours will distract them from your idiocy. If they don’t actually smooth things over, they might at least assuage a little bit of the awkwardness.

This one is for that friend who was there for you at your lowest moment:Thank you

This one is for after that awkward hook up with a person you only kind of know:Dear sir

This one is for when you were a particularly crappy party guest:I'm sorry

Who knows? This could be the way of the future for post party encounters. After all, there really isn’t any problem a card can’t fix, right?

Phrases you don’t want people to use when you ask them what you did last night

“You tried to kiss everyone. Like everyone.”

“You danced a lot. But you also fell more than you danced.”

“You were sitting on your ex’s lap.”

“I seriously left you alone for two seconds and you wandered off.”

“You were lying in a pool of your own puke.”

“I thought I would be mad at you for puking, but you just looked like a pathetic baby bird.”

“You were so funny; it made my night.”

I’m an adult now

Today is my eighteenth birthday, which means that I can now vote, call in my own absences to school (hello mental health days) and get a non-probationary driver’s licence.

Oh yeah, and also I can buy alcohol…

Naturally, in order to celebrate my maturity and the transition into adulthood, I decided that my friends and I should go laser tagging last night. It was awesome, and we kicked a bunch of twelve year old’s butts.

Then we went to Andi’s house for a victory party. This is why my friends are awesome. I told them that I didn’t want to throw a party or make a big deal about my birthday, and all I wanted to do was play laser tag. They ignored me. Dee made a giant cookie, Jace bought a  boatload of alcohol, Rhett invited all our friends from school over to his house, and everyone had gifts and cards for me. We played never have I ever and ping pong and danced like crazy and did bad Macklemore impressions and ran out in the snow in bare feet.  Then at midnight they had a count down to the exact moment I turned 18, and I had my first legal drink-a 50mL bottle of black cherry whiskey that tasted like cough medicine. Needless to say things got a little blurry after that.

It’s funny, because in thinking about turning eighteen I’ve been considering the future a lot-moving out and going to university and picking a career-but last night made me think about it in a different way, as a wake up call of sorts. As I sat there with my friends at a party that they threw for me, it made me realize how great everything is, right here, right now. University will happen soon enough, and a career, and I don’t know how that will go, but I don’t need to think about that right now. I want to enjoy my life right now, on March 22, 2013. I want to hang out with my awesome friends from Mustard High and watch The West Wing with my dad and go shopping with Lis and play soccer with my team.

So umm…yolo, I guess?