Uh oh Kay is talking about boys again

It occurs to me that I’m an adult now and maybe I ought to start saying “men” instead of boys, but I don’t really feel like a grown up yet, so I’m sticking with boys for now okay?

I like Nob. I have always liked Nob, from the day I met him and he gave me this crazy grin and said something sarcastic that I don’t remember. I liked him in grade 10 english when he joked around a lot, but it turned out he really cared about the subject and he is a really good writer actually. Then in sports med I liked how he sat in front of me and we would have these intense political debates when we were supposed to be taping ankles. And I even liked being in math with him three years in a row, even though his favourite thing to do was tease me and stick paper clips in my hair when I wasn’t looking.

The problem is that we already tried the dating thing once. In grade 11 we went on a couple dates, coffee and skating a such, and it was fun, but he just seemed so nervous and awkward. I didn’t want dating to be awkward, so I went out with Patt instead, and then he dated some other girl from english class who I’m pretty sure wasn’t smart enough to get his jokes. I think he was mad at me for a while for rejecting him, but the truth is that we have too much fun together to stay away from each other. We tease each other about that stuff now.

The problem is that in grade 11 I had my reasons for not dating him. I just don’t know if they still apply. I was scared that he was too sensitive and awkward and inexperienced for me and that I would just find it frustrating and it would ruin our friendship. He’s different now though. I think. He’s more confident I guess.

It’s like, I feel this incredible pull towards him, but I don’t exactly know what that means. I just like being near him. I like talking to him and just absorbing the energy between us. I can practically hear it crackling when we get close.

It’s not like, love though. I mean, I think if it was love I would just know, you know? I wouldn’t be sitting in bed with my laptop right now questioning it on my blog…right?

Right?

I will almost certainly see him this fall. His university is within spitting distance of mine and Lyd goes there too, so I will definitely be visiting. And we’re going to a screening of Serenity with Drew next week, and laser tagging tomorrow.

It’s enough just to hang out with him. I don’t need anything else. Probably. Ugh I just don’t know.

Here’s a post I wrote about Nob back in grade 10. It’s funny to read what I thought about him back then. It’s different, but the same.

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6 thoughts on “Uh oh Kay is talking about boys again

  1. Kay, when it comes to relationships the heart and mind rarely work together. Enjoy what you have with Nob, and take it one step at a time. Take care, Bill

  2. Can I just take a moment to go “Eeep! Boy talk!” *hops up on bed*
    I know it can be frustrating, but I also know that you’ll figure it out. Like Bill said, one step at a time. If you don’t want to rush it, don’t. Good luck, Kay 😉

  3. Well, it’s attraction. Love comes later. I think usually after you’ve had to deal with some unpleasant bodily function together, like diarrhea or vomiting. You know, after one of you has contracted food poisoning, then you can tell it’s for real.

    Anything at all could happen at uni. Just enjoy the crackling, I’d say. You don’t have to do everything right, you know. It’s okay to screw this up.

    • It’s funny how we’ve never met and yet you totally get me. “It’s okay to screw up” is something I always forget. I get so obsessed with doing everything perfectly.
      At some point I’ll tell you about the night of Nob’s and my synchronized puking…

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