Hey you! Yeah, YOU! Have you always wanted to teach high school chemistry? GOOD NEWS! It’s very easy and requires almost no effort Here’s some quick and easy tips to get you started:
-The longer you talk, the more your students will listen. Make sure to go off on tangents about topics that aren’t in the curriculum. Hell, you might as well talk for the whole class, because it really helps students learn, especially in first period. That glazed over look their eyes have? That means they’re listening really closely.
-Read straight out of the textbook. Students don’t know how to do this on their own, so they’ll appreciate it.
-Pare down your wardrobe to three gaudy, ill-fitting shirts from the 70s. This will show your students that you care more about your teaching than you do about your appearance.
-Comb over your hair to cover up your receding hairline. It totally works; you can’t even tell that you’re bald.
-Add personal anecdotes to your teaching. For example, when talking about conduction of sound waves, mention how you once went to a Metallica concert and didn’t like it because it was “too noisy.” Stories like this will help you connect with the young people you are teaching.
Remember, if your entire class fails the provincial exam, it’s not because you didn’t prepare them properly. They’re clearly just lazy, or else they don’t understand your genius.