Four of us went hiking the other day. Dee and I go hiking a lot together, and we thought it would be fun to invite a couple of our guy friends to come with us on an easy 14km jaunt through the woods. Jo and Andi seemed game, and Andi has been flirting with me for a while now, so I figured it would be a good opportunity to spend some time with him. And okay, I kind of thought that Andi would be impressed by my outdoorsy-ness.
But there are some things you should know about Dee and I when we go hiking:
-We yell a lot of crazy things. This is partially to scare off bears, but it’s also just fun because when you’re in a valley it echoes really awesomely (that’s totally a word, shut up) . We also sometimes break out into random sections of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
-We hike quite fast. The reason Dee and I don’t bring other girls on our hikes is because none of them tend to be strong enough to keep up with our pace. It’s not because we’re super awesome hikers, it has more to do with the fact that we’re so damn competitive.
-We do stupid things. On this particular outing we thought it would be a fantastic idea to strip down to shorts and a sports bra and jump into a lake. An ice cold, glacier-fed lake. It felt pretty much like the cold was tiny needles stabbing into your flesh, and as soon as you got in all you wanted to do was get out as fast as possible. The shock of it clears your head so well though. When you hit the water, it’s like your mind goes completely blank. I absolutely loved it.
Near the end of the trail, Dee and I were discussing previous hikes, comparing blisters, and complaining about the chafing that had resulted from walking back from the lake in wet sports bras. We also periodically yelled profanity, just in case the bears were listening.
When Dee started telling us about how badly her armpit hair had chafed her on a three week canoe trip this summer Andi finally spoke up.
“Wow, you guys are practically men,” he said.
So much for my sexy outdoorsy-ness. If you ever want to turn off a guy, just start talking about armpit hair.