The Fairytale Complex

In my little mini bio over there

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I make a half-joking reference to my “fairytale complex.” But in all seriousness, it’s beginning to become a problem.

When you’re like three or four, everyone has that one movie that they watch over and over and over. If you were like me and were born in the 90’s it means that your parents had to rewind the VHS tape overandoverandover and they got really annoyed because it takes FOREVER every time, but it made their talkative and precocious daughter who asks too many questions SHUT UP for a few hours, so why not humour her.

Anyway, the movie that I obsessed over was Cinderella. Oooo surprise there. A lot of people ask me why I like the story so much. I mean, I’m a strong, smart, capable, modern girl, so what’s the appeal of a story where the girl needs the prince to save her? The truth is that I really don’t know. I mean, the reason that I tell people is that Cinderella follows her dreams and doesn’t let her step family get her down, etc. But honestly-and the strong, capable, modern woman inside of me hates myself for saying this-I just really do want to be rescued by the handsome prince.

I spend a lot of time being strong. I’m strong during soccer fitness sessions like today, when every muscle in my body was burning and I couldn’t breathe and all I wanted to do was lay down in the grass and not get up for a long, long time. I was strong when I crashed my car and I was scared and upset and standing on the side of a busy freeway and my dad wasn’t there to help me. And I was strong at my mom’s funeral, when a hundred or so people all wanted to hug me and talk about her and I just wanted to get out of that church and keep running until I stopped missing her. It was so hard, but I finished my windsprints, I called the tow truck, and I hugged every single goddamn person who came to that funeral and you better believe I thanked them for coming.

I am strong. I know that about myself. In fact, it was written on every sympathy card I’ve ever received (which is a lot). So maybe it makes a little bit of sense that my fantasy is that someone will waltz into my life who will take care of me; he’ll be strong for me and I can just relax and be vulnerable.

This idea has just absolutely possessed me. Every grown up and blogger and Youtube video has always told me to not get hung up on falling in love. “Don’t get to serious about relationships in high school. Just have fun with your friends,” <—- I’ve heard that so many times that I can’t even remember who said it to me first. Lis is more concerned for me than anyone because she knows me well enough to see how deeply I’m obsessed. Lis, who fell in love with her best friend in the first year of high school, constantly tells me cliche things like, “Love will find you when you’re not looking for it,” and “You don’t need a boy to complete you.”

And she’s right of course. I know these things intellectually, but I can’t quite make myself believe it deep down where it counts. I hate myself for being that girl-silly and naive and watching bad rom coms by herself. But aren’t those people who told me to stop looking for love that same ones who told me to just be myself? The thing is, I’m not proud of it, but right now this is myself.

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21 thoughts on “The Fairytale Complex

  1. I think us “strong” girls are the ones who want this happy ending the most. I mostly just want someone else to take the reigns for an hour or two so I can take an effing nap… so to speak. I won’t say any of the cliche things you’ve already been told, but I will tell you that college is where you will meet and fall in love with like 1000 different guys, all of which will teach you something new about who you want to end up with once reality hits. I also will say don’t get married until you are at least 25. 🙂

    • Yes exactly, a nap! As always, thank you for not being a patronizing grown up.
      Although this does beg the question: as you are now 25, does that mean you’re thinking about marriage?

      • Hey hey hey! I am only 24! They say all birthdays are the same after 21, so I might as well be 25 thought I suppose. Marriage? Not in the least. I am convinced (for now) that I was born without that gene, but don’t let that confuse you into thinking that I am not still looking for a fairy tale. You also might have given me a future post idea. Thanks.

        • 24! I stand corrected. Who knows though, maybe that gene will magically appear when you’re 25. Or 30. Or 50.
          I’m interested to see this post…

        • I agree with everything Becca said; including that I think I too am missing the marriage gene. My only addition is don’t be worried if you go through college and don’t fall in love with 1,000 different men. I went on about a thousand different dates, and none led to a second – so sometimes it even takes after college. 🙂

        • Haha it might be that only Becca fell in love A THOUSAND times in college. I guess we’ll wait and see what happens to me. I’m sure you all will be the first to find out when it happens 😉

  2. Don’t be so strong. Then you won’t need the fairy tale so much. That’s what comes to mind reading your post, anyway.

  3. I think that I too suffer from this complex, lol. Followed your blog. I just started a new blog check it out and see if you’d like to follow at http://ohspeak.com
    It’s brand new, so be patient with me on new postings, but there’s definitely going to be more posted in the coming days! -xoxo

  4. I don’t think wanting to be saved by someone else is so bad, I think it’s waiting for someone else to save you that is the problem. As long as you know the difference, you’ll be fine.

  5. I think your prince is coming for you. But I don’t think you need to be saved. You’re the princess who’s already saved herself and is waiting on the road to hitch a ride. He’ll come to take you away on his white horse

  6. Kay, I truly enjoyed this blog, so much so, that I have printed out a copy to save for my 7 year old granddaughter. I can’t help but feel these words will aid her in the future. Probably much more so than a conversation with one of her parents. She will see your strenght and your weaknesses, and understand hers aren’t that alien. Thanks – Bill

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