So, I was in my bathroom, doing my business this morning, when the ceiling vent starts to rattle.
Rat. Tat. Ratt-a-tat-tat. Tat. Tat-tat.
And there I was, literally caught with my pants down. The rattling started to get louder, and that’s when it clicked in my head: there was a creature in there.
My first thought was mouse, but no, it was too small for that. My second thought was that one of my cats fell down the vent, but seeing as they are both horrendously overweight, that seemed equally unlikely.
Naturally, the only conclusion that I was left with was that Dracula snuck into my vent disguised as a bat, and was now going to burst out of it and transform back into his vampire self so that he could suck my blood. I could see my obituary: “Kay was found dead on the toilet in the early hours of the morning.’ Glamorous way to go.
So I did the only logical thing: I ran upstairs screaming “DAAAAADDD! THERE’S A VAMPIRE IN MY BATHROOM!!!” (pulled up my pants first)
Once he got me calmed down and got a coherent explanation out of me, my dad unscrewed the vent cover (to my horror). A small bird flew out. We set it free outside, and my dad determined that it must have flown in through the dryer vent. He covered the dryer vent with metal screen, which should prevent future vampire/bird attacks.
This may have been a false alarm, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be on the lookout for future vampire attacks.