A word about break-ups

My brother, Pal, broke up with his girlfriend of two years about a month ago.  Since then, he has found a new girlfriend, and she has written about a hundred posts on Tumblr about her general loneliness and depression. 

The Ex and I have always been good friends. We share a mutual love for Forever XXI, chocolate, and blogging. However, I just cannot understand her right now. It appears that she thinks about Pal 24/7 and ignores all of her friends’ attempts to cheer her up.  She’s started quoting Sex and the City, “It should take half the time you were dating to get over someone.”

Now I’ve never been in a serious relationship, and I’ve never been in love, so maybe that’s why I can’t see this from her point of view.  I can’t understand why she is wasting away months crying over a boy (and my brother for that matter).  She’s got so much going for her: she’s taking graphic design and she’s really talented at it, she has, like, hundreds of followers on Tumblr, and she is so petite and adorable that she can pull off wearing absolutely gorgeous dresses all the time without looking overdressed. 

She calls the break-up a “plot twist” and claims that it was completely out of the blue, even though anyone could tell that it was not working out between them, particularly because they were living in two different cities. 

If I ever got like this about a guy, I think I would honestly hate myself.. To me it just feels like a betrayal of yourself, basing so much of your hapiness on one other person.  I certainly want to fall in love, but I don’t want to lose myself the way it seems the Ex is.  My confidence and self-sufficiency are qualities that I take pride in, and if I lost that over a guy, I don’t know who I would be anymore.

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2 thoughts on “A word about break-ups

  1. As someone who had their heartbroken a few months ago, I would say go easy on her. It probably is hard to understand until you have been there and sometimes the whole world can see it was over before you did. I agree she is being her own worst enemy and people can only help you if you let them, but be kind to her. After 4 months, I am definately not completely over my ex, but I am getting there. I try not to see the time and effort I spend thinking about it as ‘wasted on him’ but more learning and growing from the experience. I similar to you, thought I would ‘hate myself’ if I lost my sense of self over a guy, but that very thing did happen to me. I didn’t hate myself(well after a while I didn’t), I loved myself for putting everything I had into taking the chance to love someone completely and utterly, you only tend to lose yourself if they aren’t really loving you completely back.

    • Wow thanks for that perspective and thanks for reading. I guess this goes under the category of “things I will one day understand, but not yet.” I’ll try to take your advice and be kind to her.

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