I’m too nice (Apparently)

Remember after Zee and I broke up, and I swore that I was done with relationships for a long while? (If you don’t, click here for the whole story. The break up is near the bottom, naturally.)  Well, it took all of three seconds for that vow to be tested (okay, like a week. But it felt like 3 seconds).

Cor asked me out. Over text.

Now besides the fact that I had vowed to take a break from the whole dating thing, I had two other problems with this.

1) He asked me out over text! That’s the second guy in a month who has done so!  I don’t need roses and candles, but text is like the least personal, least romantic way to do anything.  I know that I’m constantly in the city or at work, so it’s hard for the guys I know in town to see me face to face, but still!  It makes me feel like I’m really not worth all that much at all.

2) I was hoping that Cor was over me.  Actually I had kind of assumed he had.  Last year we had almost become more than friends. We had had guitar class together and stared dreamily into eachother’s eyes while playing repetitive chords along to second-rate songs (Chasing Cars has to be the least musically creative song ever.  EEEEAAAADDDDEEEE, over and over for four minutes).  He walked me home a couple of times and held my hand, but that’s all that became of it, because I realized I was over him a few weeks before guitar class ended.   I don’t know why exactly I had liked him so much, or why those feelings had disappeared so suddenly.  Maybe I had just liked the attention.  Maybe it was a case much like my relationship with Zee, where I just wanted to see what it would be like.  Regardless, I knew that I couldn’t let this, whatever this was, go on any longer.  Lis suggested that I give Cor some space and time to heal, which I was only too glad to do. We still hung out in the same circle at school, but I stayed out of his way, and after a few weeks he got the message and backed off as well.  I really thought that would be the end of it.

Clearly not. Now I admit that we had become closer over the last few months.  We had started hanging out together more again over the summer, and he had also become one of my regular texting buddies when I was bored in social studies this semester.  But honestly, I had totally assumed that he had completely moved on.  After all, I’m going to a different school now, and he has no shortage girl pals who would be glad to take their friendship to the next level.

So when we were texting late at night, and I was complaining about finals, and he was worrying about what his dad would say about his marks, my only thoughts were that it  was so nice that Cor and I could be friends without having to worry about any boy-girl complications.  And when Cor began telling me about a girl he liked, I was only too glad to offer my advice.

Cor: I don’t know why I’m so afraid to ask her out!  Every time I go to say it, I chicken out.

Kay:  She would be crazy not to say yes (In retrospect I realize that I may have laid the compliments on too thick. But how was I supposed to know this was anything more than a discussion between friends?)  Just go for it! What’s the worst that can happen?

Cor: You’re right. I’ll text her right now.

Kay: Well I don’t think texting is the best way to ask a girl out, and she’s probably already asleep.

Cor: Dammit Kay, she’s not asleep! Kay, will you be my girlfriend?


So I eventually texted Cor back and told him as kindly as I could that I wasn’t interested. But not before I threw a few things at the wall and screamed into my pillow.  What had I done to make Cor think that I still liked him, a year after I had fully gotten over him and given him the cold shoulder.  La thinks I’m too mean to guys when I don’t reciprocate their feelings, but Lis thinks the problem is that I’m too nice.  When  I called her and began freaking out about Cor asking me out, she told me that I needed stop trying to let him off gently and just freeze him out completely until I’m sure he’s over me.

Kay: But won’t he be really hurt?

Lis: Look Kay, you don’t see guys “letting girls off gently.”  If a guy doesn’t like a girl anymore, he stops being nice to her. Period. Can you do that?

Kay: Well, uh, that doesn’t sound very-


Kay: Okay fine! But this better work. Poor Cor!

Lis: You don’t care about Cor, remember?

Kay: Sigh…right.

I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. What’s worse, hurting a person, or leading them on?


6 thoughts on “I’m too nice (Apparently)

  1. Oh gosh…when I read that he asked you out through a text message, I seriously laughed out loud. Guys are growing less romantic every day. Holding hands was sort of leading him on, but it’s good that you told him you weren’t interested before any more feelings got hurt. I think you did the right thing.

  2. Wow, texting to ask you out makes the whole ordeal a bit easier on them, however, I’m with you, they should ask in person. But then you may not have the option of screaming into your pillow immediately or throwing things.

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