So this will hopefully be the last post about the sweet, gallant, and hugely frusterating Zee. Here’s the Cliff’s notes version to catch up any new readers.
In September, my three year friendship with Zee completely changed when I realized I had a hopeless crush on him. Then Zee broke up with his long time girlfriend and I got super crazy-person excited. Soon enough, my fantasies became reality on one perfect night. Then I had a freakout because wasn’t sure if I liked him anymore, which tends to be a bit of a pattern I have with guys. Being the self-destructive person that I am, I then did a few things to spite Zee and prove to myself that I was over him. I apologized eventually, and we managed to become friends again, but then he brought me flowers, and I realized that Zee still wanted more. My friends all had different opinions about what I ought to do.
But when he asked me to be his girlfriend…and I said yes.
Now, in retrospect, I realize that my reasons for entering this relationship weren’t exactly innocent. I think more than I really was interested in Zee, I was interested in the idea of being Zee’s girlfriend. Or anyone’s girlfriend really. Besides a lengthy over-the-phone relationship with Ty in sixth grade, I had never really had a boyfriend. And here, right in front of me, was the perfect boyfriend. He brought me flowers, he calls me beautiful. Isn’t that what I ought to want?
Maybe it is what I ought to want, but in reality I couldn’t stand it. As soon as I agreed to make it official, he was texting me all the time, and he constantly wanted to hang out. It bugged me when he got annoyed when I told him that I was hanging out with Lis or going to soccer instead. Is this how a relationship works? Is your life supposed to revolve around it all of a sudden?
And then things got worse. If I didn’t text back within two minutes of him sending the initial text, he sent four texts asking what was going on. I’m sorry Zee, am I supposed to stop in the middle of my math test and tell my teacher that I have to text my boyfriend right now? Then he began asking me what I liked about him, which kind of brought up a red flag for me. Why does he need me to tell him that he’s great? Turns out that all these years Zee had been carefully hiding a complete lack of self esteem that was now immediately apparent to me.
Why did this happen? Are all guys like this when they are in a relationship? Or just the ones attracted to me?
So we broke up. But not before Zee managed to plant one on me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my first real kiss came from Needy McNeedykins.
It happened like this. Zee came over and we were honestly just hanging out. We listened to music (He didn’t like Tokyo Police Club or Vampire Weekend. What did I see in this guy?) and played ridiculous puzzle games on his iPod (a favorite past time of ours. He does happen to be incredibly awesome at Iced In, the penguin game). Eventually he had to leave because I had to go to work (he kept insisting on staying longer, and I was getting annoyed. I really did need to go to work!). I gave him a hug goodbye, and when we released he looked at me, and I looked at him and he leaned in.
And sucked on my face.
Now obviously I’m not an expert in kissing. Actually I’m not even an amateur, really. But my gut was telling me that there had to be something wrong with this kiss. I knew that maybe I ought to be doing something, but really, what could I do? His lips were entirely wrapped around mine so that I felt like I couldn’t move them at all, even if I had known what to do with them. It just felt so…wrong. Where were the fireworks that Meg Cabot had promised me?
It only lasted a second, but it felt like so much longer. Finally Zee left, and I was alone to freak out. I actually felt physically sick from that kiss, to the point where I had to lay down on the tile floor to get rid of the naseous feeling in my stomach.
I broke up with Zee a few days later. That day I promised myself that I wouldn’t experiment with relationships anymore. I would wait, I decided. Wait until I found someone who truly captivated my interest and kept it, instead of dragging me around on a rollercoaster of changing feelings. I’ll wait for someone who will give me the fireworks I was promised.
Little did I know how soon my new vow would be tested.