I’m mad at Zee. I’m so so mad that it’s very hard to write coherently, but I’ll try my best.
So to explain everything that happened, I have to go back a few weeks to the days following that fateful night where we hung out at the tire swings and almost but not actually kissed.
So they days following, he texted me. A lot. And at first it was really sweet and I would get excited every time my phone buzzed and write back right away. But I’m busy and I don’t always check my phone, so as the week wore on I didn’t text back as quickly, sometimes not for hours. And every time I failed to text back, Zee got all freaky and was like, ‘Kay? Hello? Are you there? Did you get my message?’
And I know that I ought to think it’s super sweet and romantic or whatever, but mostly I found it really irritating. So after a few days I stopped texting back unless he actually had something interesting to say (Which was like half of the time, the other half it was mostly, ‘Hey, what’s up’ and other boring things).
And then the night before Halloween I went to this Halloween party at this all ages club with #13 (If you don’t know what this means, check out the Characters tab at the top). It just happened that the Comp crew, including Zee was there too (of course, how does this happen to me?). So anyway, I explained to everyone that I was going to hang out with #13 most of the night because I had promised her it would be just the two of us. Everyone was cool with that, but once we entered the crowd, things got weird.
Right away a guy and his friend came up to me and #13 and asked us to dance (This isn’t the weird part). Seeing as we had come to dance, we agreed, and followed the two guys into the crowd. Now, just to be clear, the kind of dancing that happens at these clubs isn’t exactly your grandma’s two-step. It’s sweaty and intense and if my parents saw me dancing like that they’d probaly never let me out of the house again. But I was feeling pretty confident with #13 next to me, and I was eager to have some fun, so I went with it. And actually it was so much fun (as long as the guys kept their hands on my waist).
And I actually did think about what Zee would think. For about three seconds. However, being at an event like this made me realize more than ever that I just wanted to be single and have fun and be crazy. The last thing I wanted was to be chained to one boy for the whole night.
Of course I should have known that Zee would be watching, and that he would care. But, as much as people would like to think that I plan these things because I’m trying to screw with people’s emotions and whatever, mostly I just don’t think about other people’s feelings before I dive into things. And that’s how I end up hurting people.
So I wasn’t really paying much attention, but La told me later that Zee kept staring at me across the crowd. Then, when he realized I wasn’t paying any attention, he started asking random girls to dance and kept looking over at me periodically to see if I’d notice.
So I mostly didn’t see the comp gang for the rest of the night. I didn’t check my texts at all the next day either because I was tired and fuzzy after the crazy night (#13 and I had sooo much fun that night, I can’t even fully explain it!). So I guess Zee got frusterated that I wasn’t texting back, and so he showed up at my front door that night. I had no idea what to do. All I could think about was that I was tired and I didn’t want Zee to shatter my contented Halloween night with his complicatedness. So I didn’t even invite him in, I just told him to go home because I didn’t want to talk. And trust me, I wasn’t nice about it.
Needless to say, Zee didn’t text me after that. And I can’t say that I really missed it. But then I heard what he was up to on Winter Fest night and I was worried about Zee, so I texted him and apologized for what I said before. I know it’s stupid, but even though I had hurt him, I was worried about what happened to him after we had stopped talking. So I humbled myself and apologized.
And you know what he did? The condescending little piece of crap gave me a lecture about how I really hurt people’s feelings and how I should be sorry. Seriously? Yes, I blurt out whatever I think and I treat people I care about badly. But a text lecture? That’s a little low, even for Zee.
So anyway, now we’re “friends” again apparently, but I feel like a little kid who had to sit in the naughty corner. Okay, so yes, I know I deserved it, but I just hate how Zee acted. It made me realize how much he really doesn’t know me at all. Because if he knew me, he’d get how hard it was for me to apologize, and he’d get that I care, even though I don’t always show it.
So now I’m pretty much just mad.