Winter Fest

Well, for starters, there was no glittery carriage or shimmering glass slipper. But there was no tattered gown or rotting pumpkin in the street, so I figure that I came out ahead. Either way, Winter Fest night was not what I expected.

It started out pretty much how I imagined it would.  Everyone got together at Nee’s, all chattering about teachers and volleyball games and school gossip and whatnot, with me conspicuously left out. This would be why I was unenthusiastic about going.  But I was a girl on mission. What that mission was exactly, I had no idea, but I was determined to find out, so I perservered.

On that note, this is who showed up:

La: With boyfriend towed behind her.

BF#4: He doesn’t deserve a name. In the grand scheme of things, he’s really just a number. (And yes, he is number 4 for 2010)

Rady: Holding La’s other hand is her new friend from the Comp. Do I feel replaced? Does Bambi have dewy eyes?

Cad: Known him since kindergarten. Would never, ever, date him. But I don’t really care that he’s going to screw with Rady’s life. Yes, I was a tad bitter that night.

Also in attendance were Nee (duh), Jay, Ti (thank goodness), Cor (oh no oh no oh no, I thought he had volleyball!?!?!), Ray (Who actually tried to include me, bless her heart), Marc (we were friends before I was friends with Ash in grade five and I screwed things up with him. I didn’t realize how much I missed our friendship until now!), Jord (treated me like dirt BIGOMH (Before I Grew Out My Hair, aka until the end of last year), now flirts with me, classic guy). Also Lil, Pat, Roo, and Kel, but whatever, we were never close anyway, so the fact that they barely talked to me wasn’t much of a loss.

*Sigh* So we went downtown, and that was mostly a blur. At least La did try to hang out with me. We actually had some fun running up and hugging the bear mascot, and later running around a toy store downtown reliving our childhood. But her boyfriend got super annoying after a while (as in, touchy feely to the point of gross) so I told Micaela I had had a lovely time with her(which I did, mostly) and moved on.

Now, all this time Cor kept ending up walking beside me (what a coincidence) and “bumping into me”. And whenever the group would split up, he always ended up with me.  Now the truth is that I still owe him an explaination, or an apology, or something, for what happened exactly a year ago, but I was actually having a little bit of fun and I didn’t want to ruin  it.  What happened, you ask? A lot. But basically, the same thing as what happened with Zee, only I didn’t know myself as well back then, and I let it go much farther. Way too far. And I guess Cor isn’t over it. So even though he is a great guy, every time I see him he is all quiet and nice and utterly clingy, and every time I feel bad for how I treated him, but can’t bear to bring it up. 

But the little voices in my head told me apologizing to Cor was not on the agenda tonight. That would be very un-fun and un-fairytalish. So onwards I journeyed.

Next came a text from Gra saying that we should come meet him and his friends. Him  and Ris, perhaps, I thought. Not a chance. Gra was doing some charity bake sale thing (don’t give me that finger wagging, readers, I donated generously), and Ris was mysteriously AWOL.

I found out later where Ris was.  Cozy and warm at his house, of course, drinking with-wait for it-Zee.

*Pause while Kay bangs her head against the wall* Whyeeee??? I mean, I love Ris, but I also know how self destructive he is (yes, I’m the cliche girl attracted to the bad boy), and I don’t think Zee does.  And Zee is in a screwed up state even without everything that happened with me. Between the break up with Jay and his parents’ divorce, he’s not in a good place, and Ris definitely wasn’t helping.  And I was starting to feel responsible for him.

Sigh. Okay, this was not how this post was supposed to go. It was supposed to be all about how I thought the night was going to suck, but then it totally rocked because I spent some quality time with some unexpected friends. And the moral of the story was going to be perserverance, friendship, people still love Kay, blah blah blah.

But looking at it, I’m realizing how screwed up everything is with my town friends right now, and how I feel it all as this gigantic weight on my shoulders, and how even though it’s really not all my fault, I feel like it is, and it makes me so sad because my friendships with these people used to be so simple and so…good.

But now Nee barely talks to me and her parents couldn’t stop talking about how much they missed having me around when we all went back to their house later.  And Jay was flirting with Jord, and Cor was sitting by himself, and La was miserable with a boyfriend who was treating her badly, only she was too proud to tell me until days later. And where was I? Oh yes, having a lovely time with my new friends Marc and Ti.

You have no idea how happy I was to return to the simplicity of Mustard on Monday. Are my town friends getting more gossipy, more self-destructive, and more hurtful? Or am I just noticing it more because now I know that there’s other ways of doing things?  Mustard is such a good place, and town is just…not. I feel like my whole world is changing.

Is high school always going to be like this?

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