Yes, I screwed things up with Zee.
Hypothetical Reader: How did you screw it up, Kay? I thought everything was going so well for you guys! It seemed like he totally liked you. Did you say the wrong thing? Did he get back together with Jay? Did he tell you he just wanted to be friends?
No, dear reader who may or may not exist (I try not to dwell on my blog stats too much, but the fact that I haven’t gotten a single hit in two weeks is kind of a downer), Zee is still very much available, and he’s definitely not pushing me away.
The problem is that I kind of made him fall for me.
And now I’m not interested in him at all anymore.
Hypothetical Reader: Wow, you are clearly screwed up in the head. A couple weeks ago he was all you could talk about.
Yes reader, I know. Which brings me to my list:
Why I don’t have a boyfriend
1) I change my mind. All the time. This is not the first time I’ve obsessed over a guy for weeks and then gotten completely over him over night. In fact, I think it’s probably happened 10 or 12 times. Or more. I know that it’s a pattern. But every time a new guy comes along I swear it will be different. With Zee especially, I thought since I’ve pretty much had a crush on him since seventh grade that this time it was for real. Not a chance.
2) I need a challenge. I sometimes feel like a stereotypical player. Maybe that’s what I am. You don’t see a lot of girl players, but why not, right? I think that sometimes with boys I just like the thrill of the chase. Like I just want to see if I can get that boy in my math class that has never talked to me, or that guy with a girlfriend, just to see if I can do it. Of course, as soon as I get what they want and they show feelings for me, I lose interest because I’ve achieved my goal. Wow, that sounds shallow. But I’m trying to tell the truth here and that is the truth.
3) I’m a tad intimidating. Let me paint a picture for you. I’m confident, tough, stubborn, sarcastic, smart, strong, athletic, and bold. I’ve never needed a guy to save me. I guess guys really aren’t into that.
4) I’m moody. One day I’m fun and crazy and exciting to be around, and the next I’m grumpy and introverted. It freaks people out.
5) I have high standards. Like skyscraper high. Like, so-unattainable-that-nobody-ever-in-their-life-could-possibly-measure-up standards. My perfect guy must be sexy, smart, confident, driven, outgoing, talkative, sensitive, and of course, challenging. And also he has to be able to put up with all my crap.
Looking at this list, I’m really doubting that I’ll ever find the right guy. In fact, I’m feeling pretty sure I won’t. I pity any boy who tries to figure me out.