I’m such a cliche

All it took was one text from Zee this afternoon to turn me into a nervous, giggly mess.  It wasn’t a mass text either, it was a text especially for me, using his nickname for me (“gimpy” long story, involves a lot of broken bones).  I asked if he was feeling alright after the breakup, but he said he didn’t want to talk about Jay. Instead we continued a witty banter about nothing and everything all afternoon until finally I told him that we should hang out at the park.  So there we were at twilight, in the park by ourselves, with no qwerty keyboard to hide behind.

I had stressed over every detail of my appearance before I showed up, even though I knew how cliche it was.  Sneakers or flats? Conservative top or a little cleavage?  Lipgloss or none? In any case, a breath mint seemed like a good idea.

I can’t stand being such a cliche teenage girl, but sometimes I can’t help it.  Especially with Zee. He’s just so wonderful and sweet and gentle and funny and he just tries so hard to make me happy that I just want to make him happy.  And every once in a while he sends me a text or gives me a grin that makes me want to jump for joy and squeal like the little girl that I am inside.  And sometimes I do.

So there we were. He pushed me on the tire swing until I was so dizzy I couldn’t stand straight, though honestly the swing can’t be blamed completely for my dizziness. And when I collapsed on the grass, it was almost like the way I fantasized it, with him sitting down next to me and leaning in close. But the kiss never came.  I could feel the tension and the anticipation in the air, and I’m sure he could too, but the moment just never seemed to come.

And we were close, so close.  While fooling around with a soccer ball, he eventually got fed up with my fancy moves and simply picked me up around the waist and threw me over his shoulder. That’s right, his arms around my waist. And then it became a game.

“I’m looking for a girl with a brown jacket, have you seen her?” Zee asked me.

I just giggled as I looked down at his strong arms wrapped around my brown coat.  “I think she went that way,” I told him, pointing randomly into the dark.

“Oh really?” Zee laughed and twirled me around in that direction.

“Or maybe it was that way,” I said, pointing again and he spun the other way. We were both laughing ridiculously now.

“I still can’t find her,” Zee said, and the laughing died down. I realized it was time to be serious.

“She’s right here,” I whispered, and slid down until my arms were around his neck and my legs were wrapped around his waist. He held me there and I looked straight into his blue, blue, eyes.

I feel like the kiss should have happened right then, but I don’t know how it should have gone.  This has never happened to me before, at least not like this. I think I was waiting for Zee to make the move.

But the moment passed, and he let me down. We talked about some more trivial topics until I had to go home, and when I left, I didn’t even have the guts to give him a platonic hug goodbye.  Now I’m kicking myself for letting such a perfect night go to waste.

But was it a waste? It was still a great night.  Just being there together, with him free of Jay, made every touch felt more real.  There was no more guilt; there were no more complications. Just his blue eyes looking into mine, as pure as a dew drops.

And maybe it isn’t time for that perfect moment yet. Maybe we still have to get to know eachother a bit more and maybe Zee needs more time to let go of Jay.

I was so eager to rush to the end of the story that I think I forgot that the anticipation is what makes the real moment truly amazing. So I can’t regret what happened tonight.  Besides, I think when Zee is ready to kiss me, I’ll know it, and I’ll be ready. Tonight was only the first chapter of our fairytale.

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2 thoughts on “I’m such a cliche

  1. What a cute story!

    It’s probably good that you two aren’t jumping into anything. Being the rebound is no fun.

  2. […] girlfriend and I got super crazy-person excited.  Soon enough, my fantasies became reality on one perfect night. Then I had a freakout because wasn’t sure if I liked him anymore, which tends to be a bit of […]

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