I have finally come to terms with my crush on Zee. Yes, as in the very unavailable boyfriend-of-Jay Zee. The only guy in my group of friends in town that I probably have no chance with.
But I can’t help it. In spite of Jay-Zee’s year long relationship, I still feel the crush that I have repeatedly denied since it started at the very first day of grade 7. He was cute, and sweet, and so much nicer than the other boys in our homeroom, and I wanted him to be mine. The years went by, and now we’re friends who text back and forth and get eachother’s sarcasm and make dirty jokes that nobody else gets. Oh, and tickle fights that his girlfriend prefers to stay out of.
I realize that I’ve waited to long to make a move. But I can’t avoid the fact that I want to be his girlfriend. And I’m so much more confident in myself than I used to be. Prettier too.
The only thing that stands in my way is Jay, who Zee has admitted to me to be controlling and manipulative. She makes him feel guilty for hanging out with anyone other than her, even guys, in spite of the fact that she’s the one that cheated on him. I don’t get it. He knows she cheated on him and yet he still stays completely loyal to her. More than once, he’s come to my crying because she just refuses to even say she cares about him. What a catch, this girlfriend.
I don’t understand why he won’t break up with her. Maybe because she was his first kiss, first girlfriend. Maybe because he doesn’t want to create any drama. Maybe he thinks a bad girlfriend is better than no girlfriend. Or maybe he just hasn’t had a good enough reason.
Maybe I could be that reason.
There are rumours started to circle. The first is the Zee-saying-I’m-pretty story that La witnessed. The second is that he said that I was really cool to Jay, which caused her to send me a joking (I think) text saying, “Zee wants you” as some twisted guilt trip for him. Or so I hear. I didn’t really understand what that text was supposed to be about.
And then there was that moment in the massive group pillow fight on Saturday night, when I got bashed across the room and landed on his chest (an accident, I swear) my face about two inches from his, as we stared straight into each other’s eyes.
I felt like he caught a glimpse of the truth in mine.